I’m Not Intimidating, You’re Just Not Comfortable Around Women Who Know Themselves

He said I came on strong. I said I came on clear. There’s a difference.

This wasn’t about volume or vanity. I didn’t yell. I didn’t brag. I didn’t recite my résumé like a hostage negotiator. I just told him what I like, what I don’t, and what I will no longer tolerate from men who believe “vibes” are a substitute for plans.

He smiled politely and told me I was “intense.” I’ve learned that’s code for: I haven’t done enough self-work to sit across from someone who has.

I don’t need to be coddled, but I do need to be met with something stronger than “haha you’re funny” when I explain my attachment style. If that makes me intimidating, then maybe what you’re feeling isn’t fear — it’s exposure.

Men like him want softness without depth. They want ease without opinion. They want someone who floats. I don’t float. I walk in knowing who I am and how I’ll leave if this gets weird. That’s not ego — it’s boundaries.

He told me I ask too many questions. I told him most women just don’t wait for the answers anymore. I’m not trying to interrogate — I’m trying to see you, past the filters and playlists and favorite bars. If you’re hiding, just say that. I’m not here to pull teeth. I’m here to connect.

And if that’s too much, that’s okay. You’re allowed to be overwhelmed by a woman who’s no longer waiting to be approved.

Just don’t call me intimidating.
Call me unavailable — to people who aren’t ready.