Freshman Accidentally Sets Curve After Thinking Test Was ‘Just Practice’

EAST CREEK HIGH — Chaos hit Honors Biology this week when a freshman named Devon casually nuked the grading curve after mistaking the midterm for “just, like, practice questions or whatever.”

Devon, who apparently thought the test was “a fun little warm-up,” scored a 99% — finishing in 17 minutes and spending the rest of class drawing mitochondria with sunglasses.

“I didn’t even know it counted,” Devon told The Mocking Post, mid-popcorn chew. “I thought we were gonna go over it together after. Like a vibe-check quiz?”

It was not a vibe-check quiz.

The moment grades dropped, upperclassmen experienced a collective academic nosedive.
“I got a 78 and now it’s a C+ because Devon decided to casually ace molecular biology,” said Serena L., a visibly spiraling junior who had flashcards in her sock. “He thought mitosis was a seasoning two days ago.”

Ms. Harris, the Honors Bio teacher, looked emotionally exhausted when reached for comment.

“I’ve never seen a curve collapse that hard,” she said. “Devon doesn’t even bring a pencil half the time. I’ve taught AP seniors who can’t spell ribosome.”

Now, there’s debate on whether Devon should skip a grade, get an honorary lab coat, or be quietly banned from all future tests. Meanwhile, he’s just chilling.

“If I knew it was real, I probably would’ve freaked out and failed,” Devon added. “So maybe not knowing is the real key to success.”

Honestly? He might be onto something.

Update: The school has introduced a new policy: Freshmen must now be told—out loud—whether tests “count count.” A warning bell will also sound if anyone accidentally becomes a prodigy.