Retired Tennis Ball Pleads with Pickleball: ‘Stay Humble or Face Backlash’
In an open letter, a veteran tennis ball advises pickleball to honor its humble origins amid the sport’s explosive popularity and cultural takeover.
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Congress Holds Emergency Hearing on Pickleball Noise Crisis
Lawmakers across party lines unite to address the rising clatter of pickleball courts, framing the sport’s pop-pop-pop as a national quality-of-life emergency.
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Trump Taps Pillow Guy to Karaoke, Kid Rock to Headline at Rally
With artists declining the invite, Trump’s team has pivoted to a lineup that includes karaoke by Lindell and a full set from Kid Rock. Dress code: patriotism or sequins.
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Comic-Con Loki Cosplayer Gets Trapped in Panel, Becomes Emotional Support Trickster
He showed up in costume for fun. Three hours later, fans were confessing trauma to him and asking for life advice.
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Coldplay Declines Trump’s Ask to Perform at Rally
After demands to perform at a Trump rally as reparations for media distraction, the band responds with a polite decline and a masterclass in avoidance.
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Trump Demands Coldplay Perform at Rally to Repay “Stolen Attention”
After accusing the band of hijacking the spotlight, Trump now insists Coldplay make it right—on stage, under his terms, and in red ties.
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Man Mistaken for Cosplaying Wolverine Was Just a Tired Dad from Burbank
Wearing a tank top and visible stress, he was asked for autographs despite clearly holding a diaper bag and trail mix.
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Man Earns Black Belt Online in 6 Weeks, Immediately Opens Dojo in Strip Mall
No prior experience. No in-person training. Just 37 YouTube videos, a PayPal receipt, and a vision. Critics call it fraud. He calls it “modern lineage.”
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Zendaya And Tom Holland Deny Their Relationship Is “Just for PR”
In an exclusive sit-down with Chaz Blamington, America’s favorite maybe-couple answers the question on everyone’s feed: Are they dating, acting, or just in a longform branded campaign for Gen Z affection? The results were romantic, confusing, and allegedly unscripted.
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Streaming Service Launches Entirely for Shows You Lie About Watching
Introducing “Pretendlix”: Finally, a platform for prestige dramas you’ll never open, but always bring up in conversation.
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Netflix Announces Gritty Open-World Adaptation of Candy Land
Titled Sugarfall, the reimagined series turns the childhood board game into a dystopian war epic where Queen Frostine runs a drug cartel and Gumdrop Pass is a no-go zone.
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ESPN Developing Cinematic Universe Based on SportsCenter Personalities
The “SCU” will launch with an origin series about Stuart Scott, followed by a gritty reboot of the video game NFL Blitz and a multiverse where mascots battle for airtime.
