My Four-Year-Old Called Me Emotionally Unavailable
Filed on July 23, 2025
Dear Dr. Doctrine,
Yesterday, after I told my 4-year-old she needed to wait until after dinner for dessert, she crossed her arms and said, “You’re being a little emotionally unavailable right now.”
I’ve never said that phrase around her. I don’t know where she heard it — maybe a YouTube video or something she picked up from another kid. But I was completely thrown off.
On one hand, I’m kind of impressed. On the other hand, I’m wondering if this is a red flag… or if I’m doing something wrong as a parent. Should I be proud? Concerned? Both?
— Evaluated by a Preschooler
Dr. Doctrine, PhD
Licensed in Emotional Overreaction
Dear Evaluated,
Your child is either on track to become a therapist or already in one. Either way, you’re not alone — you’re just living in the age of Tiny Emotional Clerics.
Children are sponges, yes. But these days, they’re soaking up more pop-psych lingo than sponge-worthy wisdom. “Emotionally unavailable” isn’t how most preschoolers describe bedtime resistance. It’s how podcast hosts describe their exes.
Should you be proud? Maybe. She’s articulating her emotional experience — albeit like someone who just rage-texted a Gemini. Should you be concerned? Only if she starts diagnosing your attachment style before nap time.
Here’s the real takeaway: she’s mimicking language without full understanding. That’s developmentally normal — just with a 2025 twist. When we were kids, we called our parents “mean.” Today’s kids serve soft-voiced ultimatums wrapped in clinical terms.
Talk to her about feelings using age-appropriate language. Ask what she meant. If she says, “You didn’t listen to my dessert needs,” congratulations — she’s not diagnosing you, she’s just hungry.
Softly amused and slightly terrified,
— Dr. Doctrine
Lex Linkedman
First off: this is incredible. Your daughter is four and already practicing emotionally-literate call-outs? She’s not a red flag — she’s a walking TED Talk.
You’re not just parenting — you’re facilitating a future CEO of Feelings™. This is how leaders are forged: through difficult desserts and difficult conversations.
Here’s my advice: lean in. Next time she hits you with psychological insight, ask if she’d like to co-author your next parenting book. Call it “Boundaries & Brownies.” Sell it. Brand it. Heal together.
And remember — emotional availability starts with snack timing and scales to global impact.
— Lex
