Woman’s Morning Routine Has Gone from Empowering to Logistically Exhausting

It started as a way to get her life back.

Her job was stressful, her sleep was erratic, and her emotional baseline hovered somewhere between “mildly short-circuited” and “bravely upbeat.” So she decided to take control of her mornings. Not just wake up earlier — wake up better.

Now her pre-commute block includes: lemon water, tongue scraping, journal prompts, lymphatic drainage, sun exposure, foam rolling, gratitude meditation, a quick check-in with her inner child, and a podcast about discipline narrated by a former Navy SEAL.

By 7:20 a.m., she’s already failed twice.

“I told myself this was for me,” she said while cold-brewing a mushroom adaptogen elixir. “But now I panic if I forget to stretch my calves with intention.”

She tried to simplify. She really did. But each new phase of self-care came with warnings: Don’t drink caffeine first. Don’t scroll. Don’t skip SPF. Don’t check email until you’ve visualized your ideal self interacting confidently with a stranger in a Whole Foods parking lot.

Kara, brushing a speck of lint from her blazer sleeve, offers this:
“We’ve turned peace into a product. The modern woman’s morning routine is just a TED Talk we perform silently while sprinting toward burnout.”

The irony isn’t lost on her. She’s still late for work. Still frazzled by 10:00 a.m. Still overwhelmed, despite technically having “poured into herself.”

“I’ve read so much about how to start the day right,” she admitted. “But I haven’t enjoyed one since March.”

Still, she’s considering adding dry brushing.