Google Maps Adds ‘Emotional Terrain’ to Help Avoid Bad Vibes

Google Maps has begun testing a new feature called Emotional Terrain, allowing users to navigate cities not just by traffic, but by ambient emotional energy. Using anonymized phone data, tone detection from voice commands, and suspiciously accurate astrology APIs, the app now marks zones as “Chaotic,” “Thirsty,” “Corporate Burnout,” or simply “Don’t.”

Early adopters say it’s revolutionizing their commutes. “I used to drive straight through downtown,” said one user, “but now I take a longer route to avoid ‘Passive-Aggressive Parking Zones.’” Critics argue it’s just Google’s way of rebranding gentrification, while real estate agents are reportedly excited to list homes as “Near Quiet Joy Pockets.” Either way, your emotional GPS is watching—and judging.