Higher education, lower expectations. Satirical takes on campus life, college politics, and the infinite absurdity of institutional learning.
I go to a mid-sized state university and recently discovered that one of my professors has been live-streaming our lectures on TikTok “to promote access and engagement.”
Citing budget cuts and “vibe-based student feedback,” a major university has launched a bold initiative: assigning each freshman an “Emotional Support Friend.” No credentials, no training — just someone with Spotify Premium and a vague interest in your wellbeing.
She hadn’t prayed in six months, but during her chemistry exam she started whispering things like “I’ll change” and “Please, just this one time.”
They watched a show, talked about trauma, didn’t kiss, and now she’s unsure whether to text him or cite him in a paper on intimacy theory.
She came for classes but stayed for the “ASU Effect” transformation: 60% hair flipping, 40% filtered sunset selfies, 100% not citing sources in class.
He arrived with one suitcase and 36 feet of mood lighting. Two weeks in, he hasn’t spoken to his roommate, but the room looks incredible during Fortnite losses.
One minute he’s promised a sponsor-funded highlight reel, the next he’s in a group chat debating whether selling T-shirts counts as “valid business purpose.”
Between the matching outfits, rehearsed chants, and ritualized violence disguised as bonding, he’s starting to question whether this is a social club or immersive theater.
Students praised the school’s progressive move to prioritize wellness, especially since it aligned perfectly with beer specials, zero classes, and a Friday football game.