Trump Pardons Maxwell, Removes Name from Epstein File, All Thanks to “Stop Attacking Pedophiles” Policy
When Ted Cruz said “let’s stop attacking pedophiles,” he apparently meant especially the ones with presidential pardons in the pipeline.
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Millions Still Waiting for the Rapture, Ignoring Every Other Thing That’s Already Come for Them
Millions still cling to the Rapture prophecy, waiting for salvation that’ll never come, despite already being left behind by education, logic, and rent payments.
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Sagittarius Season Begins With Loud Apologies
Sagittarius will deliver dramatic public apologies for things they don’t regret.
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Red States Begin Banning Electric Cars for Being “Too Woke”
The movement, unofficially dubbed “Operation Roll Coal 2.0”, started in Mississippi, where State Senator Carl Duntley (R–Hattiesburg) introduced a bill declaring that “electric vehicles represent not only an attack on traditional American energy, but also a threat to masculine identity, family values, and the sacred act of internal combustion.”
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Google Maps Adds ‘Emotional Terrain’ to Help Avoid Bad Vibes
Now rerouting… around your feelings.
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Spotify Introduces “Vibe Score” to Shame Your Taste in Real Time
Your music taste now has consequences.
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Instagram Testing ‘Mood Ratio’ to Quantify Emotional Collapse
Your sadness is now trackable. Brands are already preparing mood-based discounts.
