In an exclusive sit-down, Patty Patricide interviews the most litigated, subpoenaed, and emotionally neglected piece of tech in American history. Yes — the laptop.
No prior experience. No in-person training. Just 37 YouTube videos, a PayPal receipt, and a vision. Critics call it fraud. He calls it “modern lineage.”
A sophomore’s digital pep talk spiraled into a disciplinary crackdown after students began feeling mildly better about themselves.
In an exclusive sit-down with Chaz Blamington, America’s favorite maybe-couple answers the question on everyone’s feed: Are they dating, acting, or just in a longform branded campaign for Gen Z affection? The results were romantic, confusing, and allegedly unscripted.
Yes, I saw your text. I even rehearsed a reply in three emotional dialects. Then I floated into the ceiling like an emotionally unavailable Roomba.
Introducing “Pretendlix”: Finally, a platform for prestige dramas you’ll never open, but always bring up in conversation.
They watched a show, talked about trauma, didn’t kiss, and now she’s unsure whether to text him or cite him in a paper on intimacy theory.
She came for classes but stayed for the “ASU Effect” transformation: 60% hair flipping, 40% filtered sunset selfies, 100% not citing sources in class.
She brought coupons to lunch and wore a thrifted blazer. But at the bar, she summoned a $19 potion that involved fire, mint, and audible clapping.
He’s on six nootropics, four testosterone boosters, and one mushroom powder from a guy named Craig. But a $92 lab test? “Feels invasive.”
She’s not impulsive. She’s preparing. Financial experts are unclear if €14 rosé in Lisbon counts as personal growth, but she’s already packed.
He swears the country’s going to hell over $4.09 a gallon, but just put $28,000 on a depreciating fiberglass dream named “Liquid Asset.”