Politicians Celebrate Christmas by Cutting Food Programs the Next Morning
Politicians praise generosity on Christmas Day, then move to cut food assistance programs the next morning, proving empathy has a very short shelf life.
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Americans Demand ‘Keep Christ in Christmas,’ Ignore Everything Christ Actually Said
Americans demand Christ stay in Christmas, while supporting policies that cut food, healthcare, and aid Jesus explicitly taught people to provide.
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FIFA Presents Trump With Peace Award, Unsure What Sport Peace Plays
Somewhere between a goalpost and a grift. In a move that confused diplomats, historians, and anyone familiar with basic job…
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If DEI Protected Against Weight Bias, Half of America Would Suddenly Love It
Critics hate DEI when it’s about race. But if hiring bias shifted to weight, suddenly two-thirds of America would be waving rainbow-colored DEI flags.
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Pam Bondi on Power, Politics, and Prosecuting Trump
In our latest UnAsked, Pam Bondi opens up about her loyalty to Trump, her take on Florida justice, and her definition of “ethics,” which appears to include consulting fees.
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MAGA Crowd Cheers Both Forgiveness and Hate, Hypocrisy as Love Language
One rally. Two lines. MAGA cheered for Christian forgiveness and then for unfiltered hatred. Turns out hypocrisy sounds best with a backing track of Kid Rock.
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Millions Celebrate Crackdown on “Antifa,” Still Unsure Whether It’s a Band, a Virus, or a Salad Ingredient
Trump’s move to label Antifa a terrorist group has supporters celebrating the end of something they still can’t define, identify, or spell.
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Trump Deploys Guards to D.C. and Chicago While Red States Get Free Disney Tickets
When the cities he targets aren’t even in the worst states for violence, it’s hard to spin this as a crime-fighting mission.
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Men Against Trans Rights Confirmed to Be Expecting, Due Any Minute
The loudest men against trans rights look like they’re nursing twins, expecting triplets, and auditioning to breastfeed the hypocrisy right out of themselves.
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Gavin Newsom Awarded Nobel Peace Prize, Trump Calls It “Rigged Like a Leaf Blower”
Gavin Newsom wins the Nobel Peace Prize for political calm and climate leadership, while Trump insists he was “robbed by Norway” and demands a recount.
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Founding Fathers Issue Statement from the Afterlife: “Don’t Fuck With Our Constitution. Still No Kings!”
From the afterlife, America’s Founding Fathers release a rare joint statement: “Don’t mess with our Constitution. Still no kings. Seriously, we meant it the first time.”
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Nation Prepares for “No Kings” March, Conservatives Bracing for Outbreak of Democracy
Officials brace for the “No Kings” March as conservatives warn of mass democracy exposure and protesters prepare to celebrate America’s original rebellion.
