Satirical Use Agreement - The Mocking Post

The Mocking Post ™ (TMP) Satirical Use Agreement (TMP-SUA-v1.0)

Also known as: The Legal-ish Letter from the Editors’ Room Closet

Section I — The Whole Site Is a Joke (Literally)

By accessing this site, you agree that:

The Mocking Post ™ is known for its flexible relationship with reality. If you’re here for breaking news, please break your habit first.
Our writers are not journalists, they are certified mischief-makers, or Mockitors ™, with unstable imaginations.
Any resemblance to real people, events, or legislative agendas is either purely coincidental or hilariously intentional.

Section II — Acknowledgement of Emotional Risk

By continuing to scroll:

You accept that our headlines may induce snort-laughs, double takes, or existential dread.
You understand that sharing our articles on Facebook may result in angry comments from that one uncle.
You waive all rights to sue us for confusion, laughter-induced hiccups, or temporary belief that raccoons have overthrown Congress.

Section III — Misuse of Content (Don’t Be That Person)

You agree not to use TMP content:

As evidence in court, Congress, or family interventions.
In school essays, unless your class is “Postmodern Media Chaos 101.”
To settle bar bets, predict elections, or replace your therapist’s advice.
To win arguments, write term papers, or explain current events to your grandparents.
If anything good comes out of it, please donate to our cause, just because.

Section IV — If You Complain…

We reserve the right to:

Send our unpaid intern to re-enact your complaint in interpretive dance.
Respond only in memes.
Dispatch our office mascot (a judgmental parrot named Mockie) to sit on your windowsill and whisper, “It’s satire…” until you calm down.

Section V — Possible Side Effects

Browsing TMP may cause:

Phantom headline syndrome (“Wait, is this real?”)
Sudden desire to launch your own fake news site–don’t, we have it covered.
Shaky belief in democracy (totally normal).
Unexpected admiration for our absurd dedication to nonsense.
Mild suspicion of all other news sources.

Section VI — Final Clause of Reasonable Mockery

By remaining on this site, you agree that:

You possess at least one working sense — ideally, humor.
You will not mistake our content for reality, unless reality gets even weirder.
You will not contact your congressperson about anything you read here. Unless it’s funny. Then absolutely do.

Section VII — Changes to These So-Called “Terms”

We may update, rewrite, scribble over, or entirely replace this agreement whenever we feel like it—possibly while under-caffeinated, emotionally unstable, or during a full moon. We won’t notify you, text you, or send a singing telegram.

By using this site, you agree it’s your job—not ours—to check back here like a responsible adult or a paranoid raccoon. You officially waive the right to be personally notified of changes, because let’s face it, you weren’t going to read the email anyway.

Continuing to visit The Mocking Post after updates means you accept whatever new nonsense we’ve added. This might include extra commas, new rules, or a surprise haiku.

Appendix A — The Stuff We Forgot

Our weather forecasts are 40% dramatic foghorn and 60% wishful thinking.
Our team includes no Pulitzer winners, but we are sure they are reading TMP with envy.
We are not legally liable for any group chat spirals our stories may ignite.

☑️ I acknowledge The Mocking Post’s reality-bending tendencies and accept the risk of laughing in public, questioning everything, and clicking this box knowing it does absolutely nothing — but it feels official, and frankly, that’s enough for me.

Legal Disclaimer:

This document is a satirical representation of how The Mocking Post operates. For binding terms that govern your use of this site, including policies regarding intellectual property, submissions, and privacy, please refer to our Terms of Service, Privacy Policy (Legal Policies), and Unsolicited Submissions Policy.