Influencers Are the New Gods and We Built the Religion Ourselves
The influencer class has become our modern clergy, they blessing products, cursing restaurants, and performing miracles like turning vanity into income.
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If DEI Protected Against Weight Bias, Half of America Would Suddenly Love It
Critics hate DEI when it’s about race. But if hiring bias shifted to weight, suddenly two-thirds of America would be waving rainbow-colored DEI flags.
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Millions Still Waiting for the Rapture, Ignoring Every Other Thing That’s Already Come for Them
Millions still cling to the Rapture prophecy, waiting for salvation that’ll never come, despite already being left behind by education, logic, and rent payments.
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Immigrants Still Taking American Jobs, Mostly the Ones No One Else Wants
Americans say immigrants are stealing jobs, just not the ones that involve heat, lifting, or responsibility.
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Men Against Trans Rights Confirmed to Be Expecting, Due Any Minute
The loudest men against trans rights look like they’re nursing twins, expecting triplets, and auditioning to breastfeed the hypocrisy right out of themselves.
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Nation Prepares for “No Kings” March, Conservatives Bracing for Outbreak of Democracy
Officials brace for the “No Kings” March as conservatives warn of mass democracy exposure and protesters prepare to celebrate America’s original rebellion.
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Turning Point Demands “All-American” Super Bowl Halftime Show, Accidentally Serves Tacos at the Press Conference
Turning Point USA wants an “All-American” Super Bowl halftime show to protest Bad Bunny’s Spanish lyrics, accidentally serving tacos while ignoring that Trump’s own rallies played Latin salsa hits.
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The Great American Freedom-Off: Who’s the Freest of Them All?
Contestants from across the nation battle for ultimate independence in a reality show that rewards whoever breaks the most rules while insisting they’re law-abiding citizens.
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Scientists Confirm Straight Couples Responsible for Every Gay Person on Earth
Gay people don’t make more gay people, straight couples do. Which means if you hate gay people, maybe stop having sex, Karen and Chad.
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We’re Live. At Least According to the Voices in Marketing
After months of tweaking headlines and taming rogue mockitors, The Mocking Post is officially—probably—live. Refresh if you dare.
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A Brief History of the Word ‘Boundaries’ and Why I’m Tired
It began as a concept in therapy. Now it’s a blunt instrument used in friend breakups, TikToks, and brunch menus. Somewhere along the way, we stopped negotiating and started declaring.
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Man Earns Black Belt Online in 6 Weeks, Immediately Opens Dojo in Strip Mall
No prior experience. No in-person training. Just 37 YouTube videos, a PayPal receipt, and a vision. Critics call it fraud. He calls it “modern lineage.”
