Local Man Discovers He Has Opinion on Strait of Hormuz, Cannot Locate It on Map
A Tulsa man lays out his firm, unwavering position on the Strait of Hormuz — a place he cannot locate on a map, a globe, or a pizza.
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DeMockracy | US
Trump Announces New Evidence Will Be Released “Very Soon,” Nation Checks Calendar Again
Trump’s promised evidence is always described as overwhelming, imminent, and somehow perpetually one news cycle away that never comes.
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Taylor Swift to Moderate 2028 Presidential Debate
The pop icon will host the first Gen Z-targeted debate, featuring policy questions, themed bracelets, and a “Midterms (Taylor’s Version)” companion EP.
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If DEI Protected Against Weight Bias, Half of America Would Suddenly Love It
Critics hate DEI when it’s about race. But if hiring bias shifted to weight, suddenly two-thirds of America would be waving rainbow-colored DEI flags.
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Pam Bondi on Power, Politics, and Prosecuting Trump
In our latest UnAsked, Pam Bondi opens up about her loyalty to Trump, her take on Florida justice, and her definition of “ethics,” which appears to include consulting fees.
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Trump Pardons Maxwell, Removes Name from Epstein File, All Thanks to “Stop Attacking Pedophiles” Policy
When Ted Cruz said “let’s stop attacking pedophiles,” he apparently meant especially the ones with presidential pardons in the pipeline.
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MAGA Crowd Cheers Both Forgiveness and Hate, Hypocrisy as Love Language
One rally. Two lines. MAGA cheered for Christian forgiveness and then for unfiltered hatred. Turns out hypocrisy sounds best with a backing track of Kid Rock.
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Millions Celebrate Crackdown on “Antifa,” Still Unsure Whether It’s a Band, a Virus, or a Salad Ingredient
Trump’s move to label Antifa a terrorist group has supporters celebrating the end of something they still can’t define, identify, or spell.
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Trump Deploys Guards to D.C. and Chicago While Red States Get Free Disney Tickets
When the cities he targets aren’t even in the worst states for violence, it’s hard to spin this as a crime-fighting mission.
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Men Against Trans Rights Confirmed to Be Expecting, Due Any Minute
The loudest men against trans rights look like they’re nursing twins, expecting triplets, and auditioning to breastfeed the hypocrisy right out of themselves.
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Gavin Newsom Awarded Nobel Peace Prize, Trump Calls It “Rigged Like a Leaf Blower”
Gavin Newsom wins the Nobel Peace Prize for political calm and climate leadership, while Trump insists he was “robbed by Norway” and demands a recount.
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Founding Fathers Issue Statement from the Afterlife: “Don’t Fuck With Our Constitution. Still No Kings!”
From the afterlife, America’s Founding Fathers release a rare joint statement: “Don’t mess with our Constitution. Still no kings. Seriously, we meant it the first time.”
