Things I Wasn’t Supposed to Hear

Let’s get this out of the way:
I work here.
I heard things I wasn’t supposed to hear, but definitely did.
I won’t say in what capacity, but let’s just say my desk is close enough to the printer to hear things not meant for print.

What I’m about to share may cost me snacks from the communal cabinet, but the people deserve the truth.

Or at least… a more entertaining version of it.

The Mocking Post Secrets I Shouldn’t Know

1. Someone tried to fire Dr. Doctrine.

Allegedly for “tone.”
Instead, she replied with a 900-word email so logical and humiliating that they resigned.

2. Chaz isn’t allowed to run the group chat anymore..at least for two weeks.

After accidentally pasting three fake headlines meant for testing into the staff channel during a brand partnership call.

One of them included the phrase “emotional pyramid scheme.”

3. A mock ad almost got bought. For real.

A startup wanted to “explore partnership synergies” with a product that… didn’t exist.
The team briefly discussed actually launching it.
A spreadsheet was made. Lots of numbers. No idea what it is.

Overheard in the Office (and by “office” I mean Slack)

• “Can we legally impersonate a billionaire if it’s funny?”
• “We can’t publish this until we remove three adjectives and one moral crisis.”
• “Tell Lux to stop rewriting everyone’s horoscopes as break-up letters.”

Why I’m Sharing This

Because the site looks polished.
But behind the grid layout is glorious dysfunction, passive-aggressive genius, and a rotating cast of emotionally unstable editorial icons.

You deserve to know.
You deserve to laugh.
And frankly, if I don’t write this down, I will implode.

This is not whistleblowing.
It’s performance art.

Until they trace my IP,

— The Informant
Definitely Not in the Same Building as the Mockitors
The Mocking Post