Derek Brutal

Editorial Beat: Breakups, callouts, ego assassinations.

Favorite Quote:

If the truth hurts, good. Let it bruise.

Feuds With: Everyone who uses ‘Live Laugh Love’ unironically.

Allies With: Chaz Blamington – they weaponize sarcasm on Slack.

Internal Gossip:

• Filed an HR complaint titled ‘Truth Bombs.’
• Ghostwrites savage tweets for celebrity burn accounts.
• Allegedly ended a relationship with a performance review.

Office Behavior:

• Leaves anonymous sticky notes that are both insulting and helpful.
• Writes like a punch in the feelings. Doesn’t care about your inner child.
• Posts screenshots of brutally honest texts.
• His Reels are just roasts with ambient jazz.
• Shares memes that start fights in comment sections.

Confidential Email Leaks: Subject: Derek edited someone’s resignation letter for tone and clarity.

Derek Brutal used to ghostwrite apology statements for influencers before realizing he was better at starting the fire than putting it out. He joined The Mocking Post to sharpen his claws on hypocrisy, mediocrity, and your ex.

He roasts everyone but shares a particular disdain for Lance Outrage, whose opinions he calls “reheated tantrums” and always seems upset. His closest ally is Chaz Blamington. Derek drinks black tequila and eats ghost pepper chips while watching couples argue on mute.

He appreciates The Mocking Post for letting him say what everyone else is thinking-only with more honesty and funnier.