Connor Descend

Editorial Beat: Advice columns, smug tech bros, fake psychology.

Favorite Quote:

You wouldn’t understand. And that’s why I’m here.

Social Persona:

• Types like your professor who overshares.
• Posts unrequested advice threads.
• Annotates and hearts his own IG stories.
• Always online, always correcting.
• Answers rhetorical questions with citations.

Feuds With: Babs Relata – she calls him ‘Google with judgment.’

Allies With: Lex Linkedman – they co-host webinars no one watches.

Internal Gossip: Published a book on persuasion nobody asked for, thinks every meeting needs a chart, and leaves notes titled “Actually…” on whiteboards.

Confidential Email Leaks: Subject: Connor scheduled a mandatory lunch-and-learn titled “How to Listen Better.”

Before joining The Mocking Post,  Connor Descend has written 12 unread e-books on success and once hosted a TEDx talk for a crowd of mannequins as a mindset experiment. Now, he dispenses unsolicited advice through columns no one asked for but everyone hates sharing because they feel seen.

He’s in a debate loop with Babs Relata and hosts workshops with Lex Linkedman. Connor drinks cold brew with a shot of superiority and eats avocados because he read once they “nourish assertiveness.” He loves The Mocking Post because it gives him a platform to overexplain without interruption.