BREAKING: Man Brags About Minimal Effort While Expecting Maximum Praise

Local man Brandon, 33, has stunned the dating community by announcing he is “one of the good ones” after texting back within a 48-hour window and bringing his date to a restaurant that had chairs.

“I didn’t ghost her. I asked questions. I even paid the bill,” Brandon told The Mocking Post. “Honestly, I should write a book.”

According to multiple eyewitnesses, Brandon’s behavior included basic human interaction, arriving mostly on time, and refraining from talking about crypto. He did not, however, plan ahead, offer meaningful vulnerability, or ask a single follow-up question about his date’s childhood dog — which she mentioned twice.

Still, Brandon believes he is exceeding modern expectations. “You’d be shocked how many guys don’t even try,” he said. “I try. Not too much. Just enough to get noticed for trying.”

Sociologists refer to this as effort inflation — the phenomenon of men mistaking civility, punctuality, or minor gestures for acts of heroism. “We’re witnessing a generation of men who were told they’re trash,” said Dr. Alana Miles, a behavioral anthropologist. “So now, any deviation from trash behavior feels revolutionary — to them.”

According to a 2024 Match.com survey, 61% of women say the men they date believe themselves to be “emotionally intelligent,” while only 22% of those women agree. Meanwhile, 75% of men report that simply showing up is “more than most dudes would do.”

“I even asked her how her day was,” Brandon added. “That’s emotional labor, right?”

Derek Brutal weighed in from the sidelines: “This is the classic manalogue move. We do the minimum, broadcast it like a TED Talk, and then act offended when no one throws us a cookie. It’s not dating — it’s a self-esteem hostage situation.”

Critics argue that women face the inverse — being expected to do everything and be chill about it. “She plans, she texts, she makes conversation, and if she dares ask what we’re looking for, suddenly she’s ‘too intense,’” said Brutal. “Meanwhile, Brandon’s out here thinking foreplay is remembering her last name.”

Brandon, unaware of the critique, has updated his Hinge bio to read: “Not like other guys. I respect women and know my love languages.” He is currently waiting for a response.