Student Develops Intense Relationship With God During Finals, Forgets Him by Break

Two days into finals week, sophomore biology major Alyssa found herself bargaining with a higher power she hadn’t acknowledged since orientation.

“I was sitting in the lecture hall,” she recalls, “and my vision went blurry. That’s when I knew it was time to pray.”

She didn’t know where to start.
So she went with the classic:

“Dear God, I swear if I pass this exam I’ll stop skipping lectures, stop stalking my ex, and go back to church, probably.”

The stress had been building for days. Sleep was a memory. Coffee had become a food group. Her group chat had devolved into silent PDFs and passive-aggressive quizlet links. The only thing left was divine intervention.

Keanu offers context:
“Finals week is spiritual for a lot of students, not because they’ve found faith, but because they’ve run out of academic resources.”

Campus chaplains report a 600% increase in spontaneous repentance and quiet sobbing outside the library during the second week of December.
The quad sees a seasonal spike in “faith-based pacing,” a behavior in which students walk in circles while whispering apologies to no one.

Alyssa passed the exam. Barely.
She called it a miracle.
She celebrated by immediately forgetting all the promises she made to the Creator of the Universe and booking a last-minute flight to Tulum.

When asked if she plans to reconnect with her spiritual life after break, she replied, “Oh for sure, when midterms hit.”

Until then, she’s back to trusting the stars.