DeMockracy | US
Local Mayor Announces He’s Not Running Again, Residents Surprised He Was Mayor
Norman Mockwell
Founding Mockitor
Editor-at-Large
At a press conference attended by four reporters and one confused UPS driver, Mayor Dan Whitmore of Hillside Ridge announced he will not seek reelection.
“I’ve served this town with pride, integrity, and consistent pothole-related press releases,” said Whitmore, who took office in 2013 after his opponent withdrew due to boredom.
Normal writes:
“You could hear the wind sigh. Then someone said, ‘Wait, we have a mayor?’ and everyone nodded like they definitely knew.”
Whitmore’s tenure included:
- A successfully repainted water tower
- A never-quite-functional public Wi-Fi zone
- Five parades (three rain-affected, one dog-led)
As for legacy, Whitmore pointed to “stability,” a word frequently used by people who don’t remember if their mayor had a last name.
His final statement?
“I kept the lights on. Mostly.”
