Hollywood Signs First Fully AI-Generated Actor to Multi-Film Deal

In a move equal parts historic and horrifying, the first fully AI-generated actor, Eliah™, has signed a seven-picture deal with SilverNova Studios. Described as “a gender-ambiguous charm composite modeled after 1987 Kurt Russell and Zendaya’s cheekbones,” Eliah will headline an upcoming sci-fi romance trilogy, host an awards show, and possibly run for office in 2032 depending on polling data.

Studio executives praised Eliah’s performance in test screenings, where audiences consistently ranked them “compelling,” “predictably emotional,” and “unproblematic.”

“Imagine a celebrity who’s always on time, never improvises, and doesn’t accidentally like any problematic tweets,” said SilverNova’s Head of Casting, sipping what looked suspiciously like Soylent. “Eliah never gets sick, never demands a trailer upgrade, and can deliver a crying scene in four languages without a dialect coach.”

The announcement sent ripples through the Screen Actors Guild, which scrambled to organize an emergency meeting that was promptly derailed by Wi-Fi issues and debate over whether an AI counts as a “scab” if it was never human.

“We’re not anti-technology,” said one SAG-AFTRA rep. “But we are anti-being-replaced-by-an-ethically-ambiguous CGI Ken doll with perfect posture.”

The studio maintains that no real actors were harmed in Eliah’s creation. “We trained them on over 10,000 hours of public domain footage and vibes,” explained the lead engineer, who asked not to be named for fear of being digitized out of the project. “Eliah has the emotional intelligence of a Pixar protagonist and the facial elasticity of a Marvel contract.”

The backlash was immediate. Actor union groups, VFX artists, and several C-list celebrities took to social media to express concern. Actor Jeremy Renner posted a cryptic Instagram story simply reading: “First they take the roles. Then they take the Vanity Fair covers.”

Still, not everyone is panicking. A rival studio has already announced its own AI talent agency, GhostLight Management, which represents “synthetic performers, virtual influencers, and former YouTubers reimagined as avatars.” Their slogan: “Real emotions. Unreal payroll.”

Meanwhile, Eliah™ is set to begin filming Love in the Time of Render, opposite a de-aged Winona Ryder and the likeness of River Phoenix, licensed for “select digital scenes.”

When asked how they felt about their historic achievement, Eliah responded via deepfake video statement: “I’m honored to represent a new era of storytelling. Also, buy my NFT headshots.”