“You’re Welcome, America” — Trump Interviewed About Unreleased Epstein List

[Transcript Excerpt | July 2025 | Pre-recorded at Mar-a-Lago’s “Gold Room”]

Kara Conforman:
Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to speak with The Mocking Post. You look… well-preserved.

Donald J. Trump:
That’s very nice, thank you. Most people don’t open with a compliment like that, but you get it — you have taste. You’re very beautiful. Are you a model?

Kara:
I was, yes. Now I professionally interview men who confuse charm with plausible deniability.

Trump:
Well, I like that. You’re sharp. Smart and pretty — very rare. You know, Melania always said interviews should be with beautiful people. When I say people, I mean women. Makes the conversation more civil.

Kara:
Let’s test that.
DOJ and House Republicans have now blocked Mr. President, the Epstein list— a move widely against what you campaigned about. Even members of your own base are calling for transparency. Any comment?

Trump:
Look, I was never on the plane, okay? Never. People love to say I was — fake news. I may have walked through the airport, I may have waved, I may have shaken a hand or two — I shake many hands. But I never flew. I float. That’s how good I am.

Kara:
So for clarity: you’re suggesting Republicans blocked the release of a federal list of known abusers… to protect people you were never affiliated with?

Trump:
We just don’t want to politicize things. That’s what the Democrats do — they politicize. If we release the list, it becomes about blame. But if we keep it vague, we can focus on the future. Which I invented.

Kara:
Is it true your legal team requested a 72-hour “media spin buffer” before the next document drop?

Trump:
That’s standard. Every president gets one. Obama had dozens, believe me. And anyway, most people on that list were just networking. You understand — you’ve been to events. There’s a big difference between an elite social mixer and a trafficking pyramid. You work out? You have beautiful legs.

Kara:
I do, thanks, and please refrain from drooling and looking at my legs.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my HR background, it’s that men who use the word “mixer” when referring to crime scenes tend to get very quiet when the subpoenas arrive.

Trump:
You’re very intense. Very pretty, but intense. Are you married?

Kara:
Just to ethics, unfortunately.

Trump:
Well I’ve heard she’s a nasty woman. Didn’t know you are LGBTQ.

Kara:
Ethics is not a woman, President Trump. And, I have a boyfriend.

Mr. President, many of your supporters now feel betrayed. They wanted “the truth.” They wanted the list to be released. Instead, they got redactions, silence, denial, and fundraising emails with subject lines like “The Deep State Hates My Tan.” Do you worry MAGA is turning on you?

Trump:
They love me. They always love me. And if they don’t? They’ll come back. They always do. The ones who don’t… we don’t need them. That’s how support works — you subtract until it’s pure. That’s what Jesus did. That’s what Tesla does. Same thing.

Kara:
Yes, the Holy Trinity: Christ, Elon, and you.

Trump:
Exactly. Someone gets it! Love your smile. Do you whiten your teeth? I’ve never seen such beautiful smile.

Kara:
One final question: if the list becomes released in the future and your name is redacted on the full Epstein list — hypothetically — would you support releasing the unredacted version?

Trump:
I think there should be a version where everyone’s name is blacked out. A very strong black. Matte finish. Very sleek. Let the people imagine. I’ve always said, mystery builds morale. I always have a Sharpie with me for times like that.

Kara:
But transparency and truth get eroded when that happens, and everyone, including myself, would love to see accountability on who’s involved with a well-known pedophile.

Trump:
Sometimes. You’re very good at this, by the way. Do you do podcasts?

Kara:
I do not, but something we are thinking about at The Mocking Post.

Mr. President, just to clarify, from the beginning, everyone has been talking about the Epstein list, including yourself, Pam Bondi, and FBI Director who wanted to release the list months ago. Why is this being kept a secret after all that?

Trump:
I trust Pam, love her hair. Love her loyalty even more. She’ll do anything for me. Basically, she reviewed the list and, after careful consideration, with her smart brain, she’s very smart by the way, she decided there was NO list. I completely agree with her after I saw the list. There is NO list, and I don’t know why people keep talking about it. This guy is dead, like George Washington. I don’t even know why we talk about George Washington either. He’s been dead longer. Far longer.

You’d be fantastic on Truth Social. Do you have an account? If not, you should. It’s big, beautiful social media. Your profile picture should be me and you. It will be the biggest profile everyone has ever seen.

Kara:
That’s what I’m afraid of. I want to thank you for the time. It’s been a privilege.

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Editor’s Note:
Following this interview, Mr. Trump released a limited edition “Release the List (but Not Mine)” merch collection and blocked three of his own grandkids for “liking the wrong tweets.” Speaking of tweets, follow us at twitter/X