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Instagram Testing ‘Mood Ratio’ to Quantify Emotional Collapse
Your sadness is now trackable. Brands are already preparing mood-based discounts.
Post Malone Releases Country Album, Fans Unsure If It’s a Bit or the Future
The rapper-turned-singer-turned-cowboy unveils “Boot.exe,” an album equal parts twang, trauma, and unexpected emotional clarity.
Woman Diagnosed with ‘Just Hormones’ for 17th Time This Year
She reported pain, insomnia, and emotional shifts. Her doctor responded with a shrug, a pamphlet, and a gentle suggestion to…
Influencer Couple Announces Divorce via Brand Partnership
The emotional breakup video is sponsored by HelloFresh, NordVPN, and a limited-edition candle called “Closure.”
Hollywood Signs First Fully AI-Generated Actor to Multi-Film Deal
The synthetic star, known as Eliah™, is reportedly “charismatic, punctual, and immune to scandals.” SAG-AFTRA remains unsure whether to strike,…
Man Balances Work and Life by Scheduling Both to the Point of Collapse
His calendar reflects perfect harmony. His soul reflects six browser tabs of unresolved dread and a sore jaw from clenching…
Netflix Announces Gritty Open-World Adaptation of Candy Land
Titled Sugarfall, the reimagined series turns the childhood board game into a dystopian war epic where Queen Frostine runs a…
Student-Athlete Collective Becomes Hot New Club That Didn’t Teach Him to Play
One minute he’s promised a sponsor-funded highlight reel, the next he’s in a group chat debating whether selling T-shirts counts…
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