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Am I Protecting You or Just Looking for a Reason to Feel Useful?
She opened a jar by herself, and now I’m spiraling. Should I just… join a militia?
Ear-raser: Secret Service Confirms Trump Has Erasable Ear Damage
Experts now referring to the incident as an “Ear-aser” — the wound is gone, like a dry erase board wiped…
Woman’s Morning Routine Has Gone from Empowering to Exhausting
She starts at 5:45 with lemon water, affirmation stacking, and compound stretching — and still arrives at work emotionally bankrupt…
Streaming Service Launches Entirely for Shows You Lie About Watching
Introducing “Pretendlix”: Finally, a platform for prestige dramas you’ll never open, but always bring up in conversation.
Local Mayor Announces He’s Not Running Again, Residents Surprised He Was Mayor
After three terms, Mayor Dan Whitmore confirmed he won’t seek reelection. Voters thanked him for his service, then quickly Googled…
Congress Accidentally Agrees on Something, Immediately Investigates Itself
A rare moment of bipartisan alignment on basic infrastructure funding left lawmakers so confused they assumed corruption and called for…
RFK Jr. Says He’s Not Anti-Vaccine, Just Pro Fictional Immunology
The former independent presidential candidate clarified that he’s not against vaccines, he’s just more into “theoretical immune systems that align…
Assassination Attempt on Trump Immediately Met With Surge in Conspiracies
Within minutes of the shooting, internet users had already blamed the FBI, the Clintons, five unrelated TikTokers, and one retired…
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