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Streaming Service Launches Entirely for Shows You Lie About Watching
Introducing “Pretendlix”: Finally, a platform for prestige dramas you’ll never open, but always bring up in conversation.
Local Mayor Announces He’s Not Running Again, Residents Surprised He Was Mayor
After three terms, Mayor Dan Whitmore confirmed he won’t seek reelection. Voters thanked him for his service, then quickly Googled…
Congress Accidentally Agrees on Something, Immediately Investigates Itself
A rare moment of bipartisan alignment on basic infrastructure funding left lawmakers so confused they assumed corruption and called for…
RFK Jr. Says He’s Not Anti-Vaccine, Just Pro Fictional Immunology
The independent presidential candidate clarified that he’s not against vaccines — he’s just more into “theoretical immune systems that align…
Assassination Attempt on Trump Immediately Met With Surge in Conspiracies, Wi-Fi Diagnoses
Within minutes of the shooting, internet users had already blamed the FBI, the Clintons, five unrelated TikTokers, and one retired…
Trump Asks Why His Name Is on Epstein List He Claims Doesn’t Exist
After denying the legitimacy of the list, Trump demanded to know who added him, when, and whether it was “in…
Trump Vows to End Birthright Citizenship, Says Only Real Americans Are Born at Golf Resorts
The president announced that future citizenship will depend on “location, bloodline, and whether the infant respects real estate branding.”
Trump Claims He Was President of United States “In a Spiritual Sense” Since 2016
At a recent rally, the former president clarified that while he may not be president “on paper,” he remains president…
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