Pam Bondi on Power, Politics, and Prosecuting Trump
In our latest UnAsked, Pam Bondi opens up about her loyalty to Trump, her take on Florida justice, and her definition of “ethics,” which appears to include consulting fees.
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Trump Pardons Maxwell, Removes Name from Epstein File, All Thanks to “Stop Attacking Pedophiles” Policy
When Ted Cruz said “let’s stop attacking pedophiles,” he apparently meant especially the ones with presidential pardons in the pipeline.
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Millions Still Waiting for the Rapture, Ignoring Every Other Thing That’s Already Come for Them
Millions still cling to the Rapture prophecy, waiting for salvation that’ll never come, despite already being left behind by education, logic, and rent payments.
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Men Against Trans Rights Confirmed to Be Expecting, Due Any Minute
The loudest men against trans rights look like they’re nursing twins, expecting triplets, and auditioning to breastfeed the hypocrisy right out of themselves.
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My Buddy Found Peace, Culture, and Life in the Philippines
My friend Richie went to the Philippines for peace, beaches, and new beginnings. He found all that, plus a Balut experience.
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Scientists Confirm Straight Couples Responsible for Every Gay Person on Earth
Gay people don’t make more gay people, straight couples do. Which means if you hate gay people, maybe stop having sex, Karen and Chad.
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My Dad Fixed the Sink, I Called a Plumber. What Does That Make Me?
He used a wrench and confidence. I used Yelp and panic. But hey, the drip’s gone — except the one in the mirror.
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University Implements Mental Health Day and Coincides With Homecoming
Students praised the school’s progressive move to prioritize wellness, especially since it aligned perfectly with beer specials, zero classes, and a Friday football game.
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The Death of Modesty: Last Seen in a Beige Sweater
Modesty passed quietly, outdressed and outposted by louder personalities who listed humility as a brand strategy.
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The Quiet Death of Nuanced Thought Online
Once a thriving part of public discourse, Nuanced Thought has quietly passed away after years of being misunderstood, misquoted, and memed into oblivion.
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The Death of the Conservative Christian Conscience
Mourned by scripture, survived by culture wars, the Conservative Christian Conscience passed quietly after years of rationalizing the irrational.
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Student-Athlete Collective Gains Popularity but Fails to Teach Him the Sport
One minute he’s promised a sponsor-funded highlight reel, the next he’s in a group chat debating whether selling T-shirts counts as “valid business purpose.”
