Financial Influencer Says You Can Retire at 31 by Chaging Your Personality
He achieved financial freedom by waking up at 4:11 a.m., rejecting joy, and not speaking to friends for six years. You can too.
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New Financial App Helps You Track Regrets in Real Time
Budgeting is out. Reflection is in. A new app breaks down every purchase by emotional consequence, social fallout, and future therapy cost.
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Local Dad Outraged by Gas Prices, Still Buys Boat He Won’t Use
He swears the country’s going to hell over $4.09 a gallon, but just put $28,000 on a depreciating fiberglass dream named “Liquid Asset.”
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If DEI Protected Against Weight Bias, Half of America Would Suddenly Love It
Critics hate DEI when it’s about race. But if hiring bias shifted to weight, suddenly two-thirds of America would be waving rainbow-colored DEI flags.
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Pam Bondi on Power, Politics, and Prosecuting Trump
In our latest UnAsked, Pam Bondi opens up about her loyalty to Trump, her take on Florida justice, and her definition of “ethics,” which appears to include consulting fees.
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AI Just Took Your Entry-Level Job, But Don’t Worry, The CEO Got a Bonus for It
Companies claim AI makes them more efficient. Translation: no new hires, record profits, and a CEO so rich he now identifies as a data set.
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MAGA Crowd Cheers Both Forgiveness and Hate, Hypocrisy as Love Language
One rally. Two lines. MAGA cheered for Christian forgiveness and then for unfiltered hatred. Turns out hypocrisy sounds best with a backing track of Kid Rock.
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Millions Celebrate Crackdown on “Antifa,” Still Unsure Whether It’s a Band, a Virus, or a Salad Ingredient
Trump’s move to label Antifa a terrorist group has supporters celebrating the end of something they still can’t define, identify, or spell.
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Trump Deploys Guards to D.C. and Chicago While Red States Get Free Disney Tickets
When the cities he targets aren’t even in the worst states for violence, it’s hard to spin this as a crime-fighting mission.
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Men Against Trans Rights Confirmed to Be Expecting, Due Any Minute
The loudest men against trans rights look like they’re nursing twins, expecting triplets, and auditioning to breastfeed the hypocrisy right out of themselves.
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Gavin Newsom Awarded Nobel Peace Prize, Trump Calls It “Rigged Like a Leaf Blower”
Gavin Newsom wins the Nobel Peace Prize for political calm and climate leadership, while Trump insists he was “robbed by Norway” and demands a recount.
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Founding Fathers Issue Statement from the Afterlife: “Don’t Fuck With Our Constitution. Still No Kings!”
From the afterlife, America’s Founding Fathers release a rare joint statement: “Don’t mess with our Constitution. Still no kings. Seriously, we meant it the first time.”
