DeMockracy | US
Local Mayor Announces He’s Not Running Again, Residents Surprised He Was Mayor
After three terms, Mayor Dan Whitmore confirmed he won’t seek reelection. Voters thanked him for his service, then quickly Googled who he was.
DeMockracy | US
Congress Accidentally Agrees on Something, Immediately Investigates Itself
A rare moment of bipartisan alignment on basic infrastructure funding left lawmakers so confused they assumed corruption and called for an ethics review.
RFK Jr. Says He’s Not Anti-Vaccine, Just Pro Fictional Immunology
The independent presidential candidate clarified that he’s not against vaccines — he’s just more into “theoretical immune systems that align with liberty and sound like your cousin’s podcast.”
Assassination Attempt on Trump Immediately Met With Surge in Conspiracies, Wi-Fi Diagnoses
Within minutes of the shooting, internet users had already blamed the FBI, the Clintons, five unrelated TikTokers, and one retired librarian from Michigan.
Trump Asks Why His Name Is on Epstein List He Claims Doesn’t Exist
After denying the legitimacy of the list, Trump demanded to know who added him, when, and whether it was “in Sharpie or deep state font.”
Trump Vows to End Birthright Citizenship, Says Only Real Americans Are Born at Golf Resorts
The president announced that future citizenship will depend on “location, bloodline, and whether the infant respects real estate branding.”
Trump Claims He Was President of United States “In a Spiritual Sense” Since 2016
At a recent rally, the former president clarified that while he may not be president “on paper,” he remains president “in essence, in energy, and maybe even in several parallel timelines.”
Supreme Court Rules 5-4 That Public Still Doesn’t Understand How Supreme Court Works
The justices issued a rare joint opinion confirming that most Americans think the Court is either a game show, a Hogwarts house, or some kind of retirement reward.
Taylor Swift to Moderate 2028 Presidential Debate, Nation Unsure If It’s Historic or a Concept Album
The pop icon will host the first Gen Z-targeted debate, featuring policy questions, themed bracelets, and a “Midterms (Taylor’s Version)” companion EP.
Proposition 47B Would Ban Future Propositions, Voters Unsure Whether to Support
Supporters say the measure would simplify democracy. Opponents argue it’s a paradox wrapped in a ballot wrapped in 14 pages of fine print.
Florida Teens Carrying Handguns Soaring — And No, This Isn’t a Drill
Gun hormones are trending—and not in a good way. Florida teen handgun carrying jumped from 3.7% to 6% in 20 years, with middle schoolers and girls leading the charge. Here’s where the worries start—and how we could actually help.