Local Dad Outraged by Gas Prices, Still Buys Boat He Won’t Use

Standing at Pump #2, Doug Turner shook his head. “Four-oh-nine? For regular? Insane.”
Four hours later, he shook the dealer’s hand and towed home a 21-foot bass boat he’d named before test driving: Liquid Asset.

Doug, 58, says he’s fed up with inflation, government waste, and “nonsense spending by people who can’t afford it.” His latest purchase? A brand-new fishing boat, a custom trailer, and an embroidered captain’s hat that says “Boat Boss.”

He does not fish.

“I’m not one of those guys who throws money around,” Doug clarified, while polishing the chrome with a microfiber cloth. “This is an investment. In freedom.”

Doug joins thousands of mid-tier earners making what financial experts call hyper-symbolic purchases — big-ticket items meant to signal control during times of perceived chaos.

“He complains about the price of eggs,” said his daughter. “But he also bought $600 of marine rope from a catalog called DockLife. We don’t even live near water.”

Ricky Machismo weighed in: “This is textbook dadonomics. They hate prices until the object represents masculinity, peace, or a past version of themselves who never got to own a boat.”

When asked how often he plans to use it, Doug replied: “Whenever I get around to it.”
So far, the boat has moved from his driveway to his cousin’s driveway and back.
The gas tank remains empty.