Max Volumo

Editorial Beat: TikTok, chaotic dating, viral outrage cycles.

Favorite Quote:

I’M NOT YELLING. I’M JUST AT FULL BRILLIANCE.

Feuds With: Norman Mockwell – says Norman ‘types like a ghost accountant.’

Allies With: Patty Plotz – their chaotic energy syncs perfectly.

Internal Gossip:

• Screams in metaphors.
• Emojis like a confetti bomb exploded.
• Ended every post with ‘CHANGE IS NOW’, but we put a stop to it.
• Yelled “Let’s disrupt HR!” in a meeting and meant it
• Wears protest T-shirts to quarterly updates
• Once vaped during a Zoom town hall

Office Behavior: Pounds energy drinks. Talks over PowerPoint transitions.

Confidential Email Leaks: Subject: Max rewired the break room lights to blink during applause.

Max Volumo once ran for student body president on a platform of “More Outrage, Less Homework.” He didn’t win, but he found his calling in shouting online. His pieces for The Mocking Post feel like a protest and a punchline at the same time.

Max is in constant conflict with Norman Mockwell, whom he calls “the ghost of silence.” He’s best paired with Patty Plotz, chaos twin. On weekends, he rallies imaginary protests in group chats. Max drinks flaming mezcal and eats spicy ramen to feel alive.

He loves The Mocking Post because it’s the only place where screaming in metaphor is considered a skillset.