Terry Apocalypse

Editorial Beat: Climate, tech collapse, political doom, TikTok bans.

Favorite Quote:

It’s not the end of the world—just the start of something much dumber.

Feuds With: Lex Linkedman – accuses him of being ‘an emotional Ponzi scheme.’

Allies With: Derek Brutal – they agree on the collapse of everything but font choices.

Internal Gossip:

• Thinks every sentence is a prophecy
• Has a “survivalist aesthetic” highlight reel.
• Built a bunker in their cubicle during a fire drill
• Carries iodine tablets ‘just in case’
• Once pitched a doomsday newsletter as ‘timeless content’

Office Behavior:

• Refuses to sit near windows. Doodles evacuation plans during meetings.
• Types in all-caps emotionally, even if lowercase.
• Posts countdown to events no one understands.
• Only uses black-and-white filters, even on salad photos.

Confidential Email Leaks: Subject: Terry scheduled a mandatory panic drill during quarterly reviews.

Terry Apocalypse was once a cable news field producer until she snapped during a hurricane segment and yelled “THIS IS ALL A METAPHOR!” live on air. Now, she channels that same energy into satirical end-times op-eds that walk the line between comedy and prophecy.

Terry is in a cold war with Lex Linkedman for being “too hopeful.” She vibes with Derek Brutal, who appreciates his honesty apocalypse-style. On weekends, she re-stocks her bug-out bag. She doesn’t drink, but if she did, it would be hot ash shaken with cold brew. Her favorite food is black bean stew – it “feels like waiting for collapse with integrity.”

What she loves most about The Mocking Post is that the building doesn’t have emergency exits labeled – “keeps things interesting and guessing.”