Red States Begin Banning Electric Cars for Being “Too Woke”

In a sweeping cultural maneuver that began with book bans and moved swiftly to gas stove heroism, several Republican-led states have quietly introduced legislation to restrict or heavily tax electric vehicles, citing concerns that EVs are “a Trojan horse for liberal values.”

The movement, unofficially dubbed “Operation Roll Coal 2.0”, started in Mississippi, where State Senator Carl Duntley (R–Hattiesburg) introduced a bill declaring that “electric vehicles represent not only an attack on traditional American energy, but also a threat to masculine identity, family values, and the sacred act of internal combustion.”

The bill passed 27-18.

“Cultural Emissions”

Supporters argue that electric vehicles are part of a “cultural emissions agenda” pushed by “globalist elites in San Francisco,” pointing to EV terminology as evidence.

“Why do they all have names like ‘Leaf’ and ‘Lucid’ and ‘Model Y’?” asked Duntley during floor debate. “Real cars are named after horses, predators, or aggressive numbers. Not fonts.”

Florida, Oklahoma, and Alabama are expected to follow with their own variations of the policy, some proposing “freedom surcharges” on EV registration and others offering tax credits to citizens who post tailpipe selfies.

Tesla, once a darling of the right, has since fallen out of favor following Elon Musk’s recent decision to reinstate California residency and attend a renewable energy conference without tweeting.

The Return of the Freedom Truck

Ford’s marketing department responded to the bans with a limited-edition F-150 “Woke Killer” trim, which includes:

• A vinyl “Don’t Plug On Me” decal
• Optional diesel aromatherapy vents
• AM radio permanently tuned to a Tucker Carlson AI archive

Buyers receive a complimentary bumper sticker:

“I Brake for Oil Subsidies.”

Meanwhile, Dodge has introduced an SRT RedWave model that emits eagle screeches when reversing.

Cultural Impact

EV owners in affected states are already facing social friction. In Lubbock, a Hyundai Ioniq owner reported having their charging cable superglued into the port.

“They wrote ‘Fossil Fuels Forever’ on my hood in Chick-fil-A sauce,” she said. “And weirdly, it didn’t come off.”

Church parking lots have begun adding “Patriot Parking Only” signs beneath crosses, explicitly banning EVs during Sunday service. Pastors are reportedly revising sermons to include parables about tailpipes and temptation.

What’s Next?

Policy analysts warn that this could trigger the first true cultural split in American automotive policy, with liberal states subsidizing solar superchargers while conservative states double down on V8 worship.

A leaked memo from a think tank in Texas includes a proposal to classify hybrid vehicles as “non-binary transportation” and restrict their access to carpool lanes.

The Department of Transportation has declined to comment.

Correction (June 27, 2027):

An earlier version of this article incorrectly stated that Georgia planned to ban Teslas. Officials clarified that the bill only limits Teslas “driven by men wearing sandals.”