Streaming Service Launches Entirely for Shows You Lie About Watching

In a move hailed by brunch circles and college professors alike, a new streaming platform called Pretendlix has launched to serve a very specific niche: people who confidently reference shows they’ve never seen.

Positioned as the first streaming service “optimized for aesthetic ambiguity,” Pretendlix offers a curated library of obscure prestige dramas, haunting international slow-burns, and twelve-hour black-and-white epics that no one finishes but everyone claims shaped them.

“There’s a growing segment of the population who aren’t watching television for entertainment,” said Pretendlix founder and former MFA dropout Miles Renn. “They’re watching to appear intellectually hydrated. We’re here to help them stay moist.”

The platform’s homepage is organized not by genre but by conversational utility. Users can scroll categories like “Cannes Vibes,” “Shows to Mention in Dating Bios,” and “Good to Reference at a Dinner Party With Someone Named Theo.” Each title includes a brief, noncommittal summary and three pre-written takes you can use to fake familiarity on social media.

Early standout titles include The Architects of Dust, a 14-part Czech series where nothing happens but something clearly means everything, and Fogbound, a Canadian drama shot entirely in silence and fog, which users describe as “harrowing, or maybe hopeful — depending on what the lighting was saying.”

Pretendlix’s most talked-about feature is “Skip Directly to Opinion,” a tool that allows users to fast-forward to critical moments while an AI voice feeds you just enough insight to sound like you did the work. “I was able to name-drop four Iranian directors and quote two female protagonists at my book club last night,” said one beta tester. “All while finishing Shrek 2 in another tab.”

Though still in early access, Pretendlix already has deals with several thinkpiece-friendly directors and is negotiating with a Scandinavian production house that specializes in “narrative glacial pacing.” There’s also a rumored partnership with Criterion to develop a new collection called Criterion-Adjacent.

Asked about competition, Renn shrugged. “We’re not here to replace Netflix. We’re here to give you just enough narrative residue to feel superior to the people who still have a ‘Continue Watching’ section.”

Critics are already hailing Pretendlix as “a necessary tool for modern post-viewing culture,” while others remain skeptical. “It’s the equivalent of putting empty bookshelves behind you on Zoom,” said media critic Sonya Plaine. “But honestly? That bookshelf still gets you jobs.”

No word yet on pricing, but sources confirm Pretendlix will offer a tiered system: Basic Lurker, Thought Leader, and Premium Poseur.