Student Develops Intense Relationship With God During Finals, Forgets Him by Break

Two days into finals week, sophomore biology major Alyssa found herself bargaining with a higher power she hadn’t acknowledged since orientation.

“I was sitting in the lecture hall,” she recalls, “and my vision went blurry. That’s when I knew it was time to pray.”

She didn’t know where to start.
So she went with the classic:

“Dear God, I swear if I pass this exam I’ll stop skipping lectures, stop stalking my ex, and go back to church — probably.”

The stress had been building for days. Sleep was a memory. Coffee had become a food group. Her group chat had devolved into silent PDFs and passive-aggressive quizlet links. The only thing left was divine intervention.

Keanu offers context:
“Finals week is spiritual for a lot of students — not because they’ve found faith, but because they’ve run out of academic resources.”

Campus chaplains report a 600% increase in spontaneous repentance and quiet sobbing outside the library during the second week of December.
The quad sees a seasonal spike in “faith-based pacing,” a behavior in which students walk in circles while whispering apologies to no one.

Alyssa passed the exam. Barely.
She called it a miracle.
She celebrated by immediately forgetting all the promises she made to the Creator of the Universe and booking a last-minute flight to Tulum.

When asked if she plans to reconnect with her spiritual life after break, she replied, “Oh for sure — when midterms hit.”

Until then, she’s back to trusting the stars.