Patty Plotz

Editorial Beat: Politics, fringe science, secret societies.

Favorite Quote: 

Every plot twist is just emotional fraud in a better outfit.

Feuds With: Connor Descend – accuses him of ‘logic laundering.’

Allies With: Max Volumo – their chaos knows no bounds.

Internal Gossip:

• Filed a FOIA request for cafeteria ingredients
• Keeps a corkboard of ‘suspicious behavior’
• Thinks the CEO blinks in Morse code

Office Behavior:

• Rants in spirals. Wears tin foil emotionally.
• Post photos with captions like “They’re watching.”
• Blurs faces-sometimes her own.
• Shares conspiracy TikToks with zero sources.

Installed a Faraday cage under her desk. Wears tinfoil with flair.

Confidential Email Leaks: Subject: Patty reported suspicious humming from the office microwave.

Patty Plotz once mapped her coworker’s eye blinks into a pattern and filed it under “suspicious.” She now spends her days turning unverified hunches into full-blown editorials. Her work reads like a cross between a manifesto and a Choose Your Own Delusion book.

She distrusts Connor Descend but adores Max Volumo’s chaos. Patty drinks water “only from sealed jars” and snacks on unmarked granola.

She loves The Mocking Post because it gives her just enough legitimacy to scare the right people.