“You’re Welcome, America,”Trump Interviewed About Unreleased Epstein List
Trump calls for transparency, flirts with Kara, and accidentally invents a new legal doctrine: “Guilt is subjective if you squint.”
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Sagittarius Season Begins With Loud Apologies
Sagittarius will deliver dramatic public apologies for things they don’t regret.
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Culture | DeMockracy | Tech | UnAsked | US
Hunter Biden’s Laptop: “I Just Wanted to Be a Printer.”
In an exclusive sit-down, Patty Patricide interviews the most litigated, subpoenaed, and emotionally neglected piece of tech in American history. Yes — the laptop.
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My Burnout Coach Gave Me Homework
When self-care becomes another deliverable. Dr. Doctrine decodes the emotional invoice, and Ricky Machismo responds with grit, dumbbells, and a little accidental truth.
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My Four-Year-Old Called Me Emotionally Unavailable
When toddlers start diagnosing attachment issues, is it growth or generational backlash? Dr. Doctrine offers a dose of parental clarity, while Lex Linkedman reframes the meltdown as a leadership moment.
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My Husband Listens to Therapy Recordings at 2x Speed
When emotional growth meets audio compression. Dr. Doctrine weighs in on relationship multitasking, and Aria adds her elegantly disapproving take on time-efficient intimacy.
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He Won’t Define the Relationship Until His Therapist Approves
When “It’s not you, it’s my therapist” becomes a dating strategy. Dr. Doctrine unpacks the therapy-industrial delay, and Connor Descend offers a productivity-centric breakdown of emotional outsourcing.
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I Got Labeled a “Boomer Gen Z” for Using Punctuation in Texts.
A high school junior finds herself ostracized for… grammar. Dr. Doctrine explains the cost of linguistic clarity in the era of ‘vibe communication,’ and Gen-Z mockitor Keanu responds with an all-caps mood swing.
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Red States Begin Banning Electric Cars for Being “Too Woke”
The movement, unofficially dubbed “Operation Roll Coal 2.0”, started in Mississippi, where State Senator Carl Duntley (R–Hattiesburg) introduced a bill declaring that “electric vehicles represent not only an attack on traditional American energy, but also a threat to masculine identity, family values, and the sacred act of internal combustion.”
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Promposal Ends in Confusion as Both Students Were Planning to Say No
What started as a romantic gesture ended with two students politely rejecting each other at the same time, sparking the quietest double breakup in school history.
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Freshman Accidentally Sets Curve After Thinking Test Was ‘Just Practice’
Chaos erupted in Honors Bio after a freshman mistook the midterm for “warm-up questions” and accidentally wrecked the grading curve for everyone else.
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Business | Culture | Tech | The Mock Locker
Girl Gets 3 Days Detention for AirDropping Inspirational Quote
A sophomore’s digital pep talk spiraled into a disciplinary crackdown after students began feeling mildly better about themselves.
