Trump Demands Coldplay Perform at Rally to Repay “Stolen Attention”
After accusing the band of hijacking the spotlight, Trump now insists Coldplay make it right—on stage, under his terms, and in red ties.
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The Guest List
They met in rooms with velvet walls,
Where money hummed and memory stalls.
A whisper here, a nod, a toast—
Each smile a secret held the most. -
Influencer Used Real Emotions And Followers Left
She broke character, and possibly the algorithm, by crying without mascara and admitting she felt “off.” Her engagement dropped instantly.
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Doctrine | Memes | Mockademia
My Professor Live-Streamed Our Class Without Telling Us. Now I’m a Meme.
I go to a mid-sized state university and recently discovered that one of my professors has been live-streaming our lectures on TikTok “to promote access and engagement.”
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Man Mistaken for Cosplaying Wolverine Was Just a Tired Dad from Burbank
Wearing a tank top and visible stress, he was asked for autographs despite clearly holding a diaper bag and trail mix.
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Culture | DeMockracy | Tech | UnAsked | US
Hunter Biden’s Laptop: “I Just Wanted to Be a Printer.”
In an exclusive sit-down, Patty Patricide interviews the most litigated, subpoenaed, and emotionally neglected piece of tech in American history. Yes — the laptop.
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Man Earns Black Belt Online in 6 Weeks, Immediately Opens Dojo in Strip Mall
No prior experience. No in-person training. Just 37 YouTube videos, a PayPal receipt, and a vision. Critics call it fraud. He calls it “modern lineage.”
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Business | Culture | Tech | The Mock Locker
Girl Gets 3 Days Detention for AirDropping Inspirational Quote
A sophomore’s digital pep talk spiraled into a disciplinary crackdown after students began feeling mildly better about themselves.
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Zendaya And Tom Holland Deny Their Relationship Is “Just for PR”
In an exclusive sit-down with Chaz Blamington, America’s favorite maybe-couple answers the question on everyone’s feed: Are they dating, acting, or just in a longform branded campaign for Gen Z affection? The results were romantic, confusing, and allegedly unscripted.
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Culture | HERsay | MANalogue | Mental | Relationship
I’m Not Ghosting You. I’m Dissociating With Style.
Yes, I saw your text. I even rehearsed a reply in three emotional dialects. Then I floated into the ceiling like an emotionally unavailable Roomba.
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Streaming Service Launches Entirely for Shows You Lie About Watching
Introducing “Pretendlix”: Finally, a platform for prestige dramas you’ll never open, but always bring up in conversation.
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Culture | Dating | Mockademia
Student Unsure if the Night Was a Hookup or Sociology Experiment
They watched a show, talked about trauma, didn’t kiss, and now she’s unsure whether to text him or cite him in a paper on intimacy theory.
