Man Spends More on Supplements Than Rent, Still Won’t Get Bloodwork

Chase, 28, has committed fully to optimization. He tracks REM cycles, microdoses dopamine hacks, and dry scoops his identity. His supplement cabinet looks like a DJ booth for cortisol.

But when his girlfriend asked if he’s had basic bloodwork done, he said, “I don’t really trust labs. I just feel my levels intuitively.”

His wellness budget last month was $1,136. His rent? $875, split with a roommate who thinks ashwagandha is a Pokémon.

“He’s taking 11 different powders for gut health,” said his friend. “But he’s never had a physical. He says ‘Western medicine just isn’t ready for me.’”

Buck Brogan called it: “It’s not health. It’s cosplay. These guys want to be warriors, but won’t face a needle.”