Raccoon With Spinal Condition Now Outperforming Marketing Team
Max Volumo
Mockitor of Rage & Chaos
Opinion Columnist, Social Dynamics
A Seattle marketing agency concedes defeat after a raccoon with a spinal condition quietly outperforms its entire Q3 campaign.
SEATTLE — Local marketing agency Bright Path Strategies confirmed Thursday it has officially lost an engagement battle to a wild raccoon, after data revealed the Ballard-area animal, known locally as Jimothy, generated more shares this week than the agency’s entire Q3 campaign combined.
“He has no call to action,” said content director Erin Voss, staring at a dashboard. “He doesn’t even have an account. He’s just a raccoon. And we’re losing to him.”
The agency reportedly spent four months and $60,000 developing a mascot, a raccoon-adjacent creature named Chester, in an attempt to compete. Chester has a blazer. Chester has a tagline. Chester has 40 followers, twelve of whom work at the agency.
“We gave him a backstory,” said junior strategist Paul Ibarra. “Jimothy doesn’t have a backstory. Jimothy has a spine.”
Bright Path leadership was reportedly reviewing whether the agency’s next fiscal year should simply consist of “finding animals and hoping.”
Jimothy could not be reached for comment and thinks human need a better past time.
