The Death of Modesty: Last Seen in a Beige Sweater

Modesty, once considered a quiet virtue, was officially pronounced dead last Thursday after a long decline accelerated by curated vulnerability and algorithm-friendly authenticity. She was 2,000 years old.

According to early reports, Modesty had been struggling for relevance in a society that confuses self-restraint with poor engagement metrics. Her final words, allegedly mumbled under a muted Instagram story, were “It’s not about me.” Unfortunately, the story expired before it could be screenshotted.

Historically associated with self-awareness, restraint, and the ability to exit a room without announcing your net worth, Modesty once thrived across cultures and classes. But as social media shifted the moral arc toward personal branding, she found herself increasingly out of place.

“She tried to pivot,” said an anonymous source close to the virtue. “She even considered a rebrand, something like ‘low-key excellence,’ but the algorithm didn’t bite.”

Modesty was last seen at a tech conference panel on “Soft Power in the Age of Influence,” where she arrived wearing a muted outfit and declined to mention her accolades. She was ignored entirely.

Industry insiders admit that while Modesty didn’t die overnight, her demise was inevitable. “Once everyone started sharing how humble they were in sponsored posts, it was over,” said cultural critic Marla Vex. “Modesty just couldn’t compete with the raw numbers of performative humility.”

Her eulogy was written by someone who only met her once but felt seen, briefly, before attention shifted to a louder voice in the room. A moment of silence was held, but it was interrupted by a carousel of tips on “how to be unbothered and still monetize your softness.”

Modesty is survived by her distant cousin, Minimalism.

No memorial service is planned. She wouldn’t have wanted one.