Turning Point Demands “All-American” Super Bowl Halftime Show, Accidentally Serves Tacos at the Press Conference
Patty Plotz
Mockitor of Fringe Logic
Columnist, Alternative Thinking
Turning Point USA wants an “All-American” Super Bowl halftime show to protest Bad Bunny’s Spanish lyrics, accidentally serving tacos while ignoring that Trump’s own rallies played Latin salsa hits.
PHOENIX, AZ — Turning Point USA is demanding an “All-American” Super Bowl halftime show after reports that Puerto Rican superstar Bad Bunny might headline, calling his Spanish lyrics “divisive” and “foreign to real Americans.”
“We want a halftime show that represents all of America,” said one speaker, moments before clarifying that by “all,” they meant “only English-speaking people with lawnmowers and opinions about Dr. Seuss.”
At the press conference, the group proudly unveiled its “Make Halftime Great Again” campaign, complete with a taco bar, nacho fountain, and a playlist that accidentally queued up Despacito.
When asked about the irony, a Turning Point staffer shrugged: “We like tacos, we just don’t like Spanish. It’s complicated and un-American.”
Political analysts were quick to point out that Puerto Rico has been part of the United States since 1898, and that more than 41 million Americans speak Spanish at home. “They’re protesting their own citizens,” said one sociologist. “It’s like boycotting your own reflection for being bilingual.”
The group’s suggested “patriotic” performers included Kid Rock, Toby Keith, and “whoever sings the truck commercial song and wear a beat-up white tank top.”
Adding to the irony, Trump himself, Turning Point’s unofficial mascot, has repeatedly used Latin music at campaign events to court Hispanic voters. In 2020, his campaign launched a Spanish-language ad, “Por Trump,” featuring Cuban salsa band Los 3 de La Habana (presidency.ucsb.edu).
At rallies in Florida, the same band performed pro-Trump songs in Spanish, including one praising him “por la libertad” (YouTube).
Even in 2024, Trump’s campaign flirted with Hispanic voters using a salsa remix video with the chorus “Kamala, qué mala eres” (El País).
Despite these facts, Turning Point organizers insist their movement is “about unity,” though their version of unity appears to end at the nearest Taco Bell.
Bad Bunny has not commented directly, but reportedly responded with a single post reading, “Tranquilos.” Thousands of Turning Point supporters have since declared that phrase a threat to democracy. For those of you offended by Spanish, that means “calm down.”
At press time, the Turning Point was preparing its follow-up event, Freedom Fiesta, catered entirely by Chipotle.
Fact Reference Notes:
- Puerto Rico’s U.S. status: U.S. Department of the Interior
- Spanish-speaking Americans: U.S. Census Bureau
- Trump campaign using Spanish music: Presidency Project – “Por Trump” Ad, 2020; El País, Sept 18, 2024
