Trump Taps Pillow Guy to Karaoke, Kid Rock to Headline at Rally

NASHVILLE, TN — In what was initially pitched as a “historic cultural celebration,” Donald Trump’s upcoming campaign event has undergone a rapid programming revision following widespread disinterest from mainstream performers.

Sources close to the event confirm that a flurry of invitations were quietly sent to artists including Coldplay, Jason Aldean, Morgan Wallen, Post Malone, and even Nickelback. All declined, citing “scheduling conflicts,” “artistic boundaries,” and in one case, simply the word “no.”

With time running out and stage scaffolding already delivered, the Trump campaign has announced a revised entertainment lineup led by longtime ally and pillow magnate Mike Lindell, who will perform a patriotic karaoke set under the title “Songs That Built the Republic (And My Lawsuits).”

Lindell is expected to cover:

• God Bless the USA
• Eye of the Tiger
• And a spoken-word rendition of I Will Survive, reportedly directed at Dominion Voting Systems

Headlining the event will be Kid Rock, who will perform an extended medley of hits, rants, and guitar solos long enough to qualify as a filibuster. Event insiders confirm a wardrobe budget has been set aside for “visible denim and pyrotechnic responsibility.”

One campaign aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “Look, we tried. We had calls out to some pretty big names. But in the end, we went with loyalty over Billboard rankings.”

The revised flyer now reads:
“A Night of Freedom, Faith, and Volume — Featuring America’s Loudest Friends.”

Trump was reportedly drafting a Truth Social post titled “Real Artists Love America (And Kid Rock Is Both)” while campaign staff worked on rebranding the event’s name from “Unity Through Sound” to “You’re Welcome, America.”

Related Article: Coldplay Declines Trump’s Ask to Perform at Rally