MAGA Psychic Farmer Files for Bankruptcy, Shocked He Didn’t See It Coming

DES MOINES — A local farmer who proudly identified as both MAGA and a psychic filed for bankruptcy this week, leaving neighbors baffled that he somehow didn’t predict it.

The farmer, who sported a red hat and a crystal ball in equal measure, had spent years declaring Trump was the answer to America’s problems and that his crops would “flourish under true conservative leadership.” Instead, his soybean fields shrank, his debts ballooned, and his only accurate prediction was that “something big” was coming.

“Yeah, the big thing turned out to be the foreclosure letter,” said one neighbor.

Analysts note that farmers have overwhelmingly supported Trump at the ballot box, even as many in the agriculture sector have filed for bankruptcy amid trade wars, tariffs, and market disruptions. The psychic farmer, however, maintained that his collapse wasn’t a result of Trump’s policies but of “cosmic forces conspiring against him.”

Ironically, he had once told reporters he could “see the future of America clearly.” Asked if he had ever foreseen the bankruptcy, he replied: “Not at all. It came out of nowhere.”

The court filing suggests otherwise: overdue equipment loans, unpaid fertilizer bills, and a storage shed full of Trump 2024 banners he had planned to resell at a profit.

As one local official put it, “You can vote with your heart, you can pray with your soul, but you can’t balance a farm budget on blind faith and a Magic 8 Ball.”

At press time, the farmer was reportedly predicting “a great comeback”…right after the auction of his last tractor.