Pam Bondi on Power, Politics, and Prosecuting Trump
Aria Wilde
Mockitor of Fashionable Disgust
Style & Identity Correspondent
In our latest UnAsked, Pam Bondi opens up about her loyalty to Trump, her take on Florida justice, and her definition of “ethics,” which appears to include consulting fees.
In this week’s edition of UnAsked, we sat down with former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, known for her sharp suits, sharp opinions, and an uncanny ability to appear on cable news seconds after any Trump scandal breaks.
Bondi arrived five minutes early, wearing a smile and enough perfume to trigger an ethics investigation.
TMP: Pam, thanks for joining us. Let’s start with something easy: What’s it like defending Donald Trump on live television?
Bondi: Oh, it’s like yoga, it requires flexibility, focus, and occasionally pretending something doesn’t exist.
TMP: Impressive. You’ve been loyal to him for years. Is there a line you won’t cross?
Bondi: Absolutely. Anything that requires telling the truth under oath.
TMP: Fair. You once received campaign donations from Trump’s foundation right before deciding not to investigate Trump University. Coincidence or Florida-style justice?
Bondi: That’s unfair, I didn’t decide not to investigate. I simply decided to spend more time with my principles. They’re very private.
TMP: You’ve been described as both a “fighter for truth” and a “PR rep for chaos.” Which feels more accurate?
Bondi: Oh, I’m definitely a fighter. I just don’t ask too many questions about what side I’m on.
TMP: What advice would you give young women entering politics today?
Bondi: Find your values early, then find someone rich enough to make you forget them.
TMP: Do you ever regret anything?
Bondi: Of course. I regret not trademarking “alternative facts.”
TMP: Powerful. Finally, if the Rapture happens tomorrow, where do you think you’ll be?
Bondi: On Fox News, explaining why it’s a deep-state conspiracy.
As she left, Bondi thanked us for the “balanced conversation,” which was generous considering balance has never been her strong suit. She waved to a passing camera crew, then turned back and asked, “Can you make sure the lighting makes me look ethical?”
We promised nothing.
