RFK Jr. Says He’s Not Anti-Vaccine, Just Pro Fictional Immunology

On the trail this week, independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once again attempted to distance himself from the “anti-vaccine” label, stating that he’s “not against vaccines, just against the ones that are real.”

“I support immunity,” RFK Jr. told a crowd of approximately 300 people and one very skeptical epidemiologist. “I just believe in alternative immune pathways — ones that are organic, self-sovereign, and preferably trademarked.”

Though Kennedy has long pushed discredited theories linking vaccines to autism and chronic illness, he insists his campaign is built on “transparency, bodily autonomy, and a healthy mistrust of consensus.”

Terry observes:

“You have to admire a man who can cough mid-sentence, slur like a jazz saxophone, and still speak louder than every scientist in the room.”

Kennedy’s campaign has leaned heavily into natural immunity, detox regimens, and what he describes as “freedom-based medical intuition.” One rally-goer claimed she learned more about science from RFK Jr.’s Instagram captions than four years of community college.

In a recent podcast appearance, Kennedy warned about “big pharma’s grip on the soul of America,” and described vaccines as “pharmaceutical surveillance disguised as civic duty.”
He then plugged a new immune supplement line co-launched with a former DJ from the Joe Rogan Experience.

When questioned about the CDC, RFK Jr. responded: “You mean the Center for Disease Control of Thought?”

Despite criticism from health experts, the campaign continues to gain traction with voters who describe themselves as “informed, awake, and lightly gluten-intolerant.”

One supporter, while holding a homemade “My Immune System is My Vote” sign, said:

“He’s not against science. He’s just against the part that includes data.”

Public health officials remain concerned, but Terry is calm:

“At least he’s honest about his delusions. That puts him one step ahead of most candidates.”