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The Great American Freedom-Off: Who’s the Freest of Them All?
Contestants from across the nation battle for ultimate independence in a reality show that rewards whoever breaks the most rules…
Scientists Confirm Straight Couples Responsible for Every Gay Person on Earth
Gay people don’t make more gay people, straight couples do. Which means if you hate gay people, maybe stop having…
MAGA Declares “I Am Charlie,” Accidentally Admits They Too Oppose Logic
“I Am Charlie” is the new MAGA slogan. But standing with Kirk really means defending shaky beliefs on race, guns,…
MAGA Psychic Farmer Files for Bankruptcy, Shocked He Didn’t See It Coming
Farmers overwhelmingly backed Trump, but one psychic farmer learned the hard way that bankruptcy is easier to predict with numbers…
Only in America Can a Felon Blame Felons and Immigrants
A convicted felon with an immigrant spouse tells America that felons and immigrants are the problem. The audience applauds, then…
Critics Say Obama Divided America, Forgetting It Was Racists Who Split From Humanity
They say Obama divided America. But birther lies, Charlie Kirk’s race hysteria, and racist withdrawal fractured society long before any…
My Dad Fixed the Sink, I Called a Plumber. What Does That Make Me?
He used a wrench and confidence. I used Yelp and panic. But hey, the drip’s gone — except the one…
The First Time We Broke Something (and Laughed)
From missing menus to meltdowns, the launch wasn’t spotless. But chaos is part of the charm. Here’s what went wrong,…
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