Trump Voters Embrace Fascism to Escape Socialism They Can’t Define
Many Americans are rejecting socialism they can’t describe in favor of fascism they can’t recognize, proving definitions are optional in modern politics.
Experts Say Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But $900M Down Payment Doesn’t Hurt
Two unknown Powerball winners split $1.8B, while experts insist money can’t buy happiness—yet the nation imagines every way it absolutely could.
Would Charlie Kirk Still Pray If Jesus Were Black?
Kirk’s quotes on race cast doubt on how he’d reconcile his devotion to Christ if confronted with a Jesus who looked nothing like the America-first figure in his imagination.
Nobody Reads Anymore, Says Woman Who Commented on an Article She Didn’t Finish
Critics say reading is dead, yet commenters prove it daily, skimming headlines, ignoring nuance, and declaring opinions on articles they never actually read.
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Random Articles
I’m Not Ghosting You. I’m Dissociating With Style.
Yes, I saw your text. I even rehearsed a reply in three emotional dialects. Then I floated into the ceiling…
BREAKING: Woman Called Brave for Having Opinion
Apparently, expressing a thought now qualifies as heroism, as long as you smile afterward and include a disclaimer in parentheses.
Woman Opens New Credit Card to Prove She’s Emotionally Ready for Europe
She’s not impulsive. She’s preparing. Financial experts are unclear if €14 rosé in Lisbon counts as personal growth, but she’s…
Spot the Date: Woman’s Profile Photo Lineup Triggers Dating App Eye Strain
In an age of infinite scroll, some women have embraced the chaotic art of hiding in plain sight. Dating men…
Financial Freedom Hits Men Like a Mortgage, Women Like a Flight Deal
When men get money, they settle down. When women get money, they level up. It’s not toxic, it’s trending.
I’m Finally Happy, and It’s Making Everyone Nervous
I got my life together, and now everyone assumes I’ve joined a cult or pyramid scheme. Honestly, they’re not wrong,…
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Dear Dr. Doctrine
My Professor Live-Streamed Our Class Without Telling Us. Now I’m a Meme.
I go to a mid-sized state university and recently discovered that one of my professors has been live-streaming…
Corporate Stars That Shouldn’t Collide
Astronomer CEO Andy Byron says the universe “sent a sign” during Coldplay—unfortunately, it looked a lot like being…
My Burnout Coach Gave Me Homework
When self-care becomes another deliverable. Dr. Doctrine decodes the emotional invoice, and Ricky Machismo responds with grit, dumbbells,…
My Four-Year-Old Called Me Emotionally Unavailable
When toddlers start diagnosing attachment issues, is it growth or generational backlash? Dr. Doctrine offers a dose of…
My Husband Listens to Therapy Recordings at 2x Speed
When emotional growth meets audio compression. Dr. Doctrine weighs in on relationship multitasking, and Aria adds her elegantly…
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Mockitors (Editors)
Norman Mockwell
Reports from the edge of sanity—Norman files cultural and political audits like he’s submitting evidence to Congress, because sometimes he is.
Jules Cringeley
Jules dives into awkwardness with both feet—and two podcast sponsors.
Aria Wilde
Every sentence a silhouette. Aria walks the line between elegance and evisceration, documenting image as identity’s last defense.
Kara Conforman
Kara analyzes power like she’s trying to seduce it—and often succeeds.
Derek Brutal
Brutally honest? No. Just brutal. Derek turns honesty into a weapon of mass disapproval.
Terry Apocalypse
Terry forecasts societal doom with the optimism of a man who invested in canned cheese futures.
Informant
The Informant leaks inside jokes and half-truths from TMP’s deepest shadows.