We’re Live. At Least According to the Voices in Marketing

Sources inside The Mocking Post headquarters have confirmed what many feared and were excited about: we actually went through with it. It’s been almost a month and it’s humming!

After months of satire, sweat, and suspiciously long “ideation sessions” that mostly involved pacing and passive-aggressive whiteboarding, we’ve hit the launch button. Or someone leaned on it. Either way, the site you’re looking at is now live, or moments away from being live, depending on who you ask and how awake IT is.

Atmosphere: Charged. Power: Questionable.

The newsroom is vibrating with excitement. And also with the hum of electronics we don’t fully understand. Mockitors are panic-proofing headlines. The style guide has become a holy text. Someone’s yelling, “Has anyone seen Lux? We need emotional availability and a final quote!”

Kara weaponized her lipstick into a branding exercise. Max tried to write three launch headlines at once and short-circuited. Meanwhile, the comment section was set to “mildly unstable,” so it’s temporarily off for public safety.

Final Touches or Collective Breakdown?

The entire staff is operating like a duck in tap shoes—frenzied on the surface, somehow still functioning underneath. Legal is frantically redlining phrases like “barely regulated chaos” and “radical coherence.” Marketing decided the best way to announce our presence was to say nothing and give away stickers. Mysteriously, this might work.

Dr. Doctrine has reportedly been re-reading every letter sent to her and laughing out loud at her own advice. She insists it’s therapeutic. We’re not questioning it.

Why Are We Here?
To delight, disrupt, and potentially offend your uncle who believes decaf is a liberal conspiracy.

Because beneath all the absurdity, there’s a heartbeat. A strange, irregular, slightly sarcastic one. But a heartbeat nonetheless. We built this on mockitors and madness, on punchlines and principles. And now, we’re flinging ourselves into the world — one carefully twisted headline at a time.

So whether you’re here to laugh, squint in disbelief, or just figure out if this counts as journalism, welcome.

We’re live.

Probably.

— The Informant
I’m not allowed to post. But here I am. Ssshh.